Mood Enhancing Gym

So yesterday I finally managed to get to my gym induction and get started.

It has been a bit of a nightmare to be honest, I had a horrific stomach bug the first time I was meant to go, then I rescheduled and realised I had double booked myself with a doctors appointment that I couldn't miss, so again I had to reschedule.

That is why I found myself at the gym at 8am yesterday morning looking like a zombie and feeling a bit daft as I had forgotten my glasses (I have only worn them full time for 10years) and feeling a bit strange in my new gym gear.

My main reasons for my gym  journey are to allow me to go forward with IVF and to help me become fitter as to be honest I am pretty unfit. 

I am not going to go into the ins and outs of the results of the gym in this blog as that is why I have started my second blog at BabyaChance so if the results are something you are interested in or the IVF journey in general head over to baby a chance and follow me for regular updates.

What I will do with this blog is tell you how I am coping with it all, as going to the gym can be a pretty terrifying prospect for some people, and also talk about what I wear and what works for me and what doesn't.

Something I do want to discuss is how the gym makes me feel, my mental health definitely gets a significant boost when I attend the gym.

The last few weeks has seen me feeling very down and suffering severe anxiety, and after I left the gym yesterday I felt up beat, happy and awake for the first time in a long time.

Now this isn't the case for everyone some people just hate the gym, but I have always loved it. 

In recent years I have not felt the confidence in myself to really go for it, but after my CBT sessions I have really begun to look at my life and the choices I make, most of my choices in the past involve avoiding any situations that scare me, which to be honest have meant I have been pretty much a hermit and my agoraphobia has become pretty out of control.

CBT allowed me to look at the gym and decide if there was a genuine reason for me to be frightened or if it was me creating a problem that wasn't there.

I have come to the conclusion that while the worry of being looked at for being overweight was a genuine worry, I realised that I am in no danger at the gym, I am there for myself and no one else, and that I want to get fitter as I am finding it harder to walk long distances and do activities I used to find easy, my weight isn't a huge factor in this as I found them easy even at this size, but right now I am so unfit I am struggling, my asthma is threatening to come back with a vengeance and my knees hurt after even short bursts or exercise.

I have had some fabulous sports wear sent to me which I will show you in a few posts, and it has helped me feel confident and prepared as in the past I have always flung on some ill fitting leggings or joggers and one of my husbands T-shirts and gone with it, but I always felt a bit drab and out of place, yesterday I felt pretty darn fabulous!

I hope you are ok with me posting about some of my experiences here, as this is my space and I love it and my readers, and feel it is a huge part of my life.

Most of that post was a little all over the place, so I am sorry if it is confusing.

I have some huge plans for 2013 to really challenge myself and push my boundaries to break out of my depression and anxiety cycle, but I will tell you about them another time.

Mhairi

xxx

Disclaimer: my Gym membership has been given to me as a gift from my local community gym to help me reach my goals.

OOTD - Introduction to me!

Kind of a bit crumpled and creased as I helped my mum get set off to her new house today after having her stay with us for the last 6 odd weeks, but thought it was about time I bit the bullet and took a photo of myself.

Now I have to point out that we have been in the house a while but it needs so much work done that it is a total mess, as you can see by the paint work, so I will try to take more photos outside on nice days. x

You can almost make out my pooch Poppy looking at me like im mad, we also have toby so ill add a couple of pictures on now as they will no doubt invade most of my pictures!

Dress was brought from Evans sale last week for £10 and leggings are from Debenhams.

The first picture is poppy our 5 yr old staff x G. Shepherd and the next is out 2 yr old staff x Collie they can usually be found sitting all over me so will no doubt make a few appearances.

Now for a little bit of background and an idea of what you might find on my blog.

I have been plus size for about the last 10 years and have found out that I am unable to concieve children naturally but due to my weight I can not have IVF until I reach there healthy weight, so you may find the odd rant about how much I hate diets and salads, sorry!

When I was at school I was between a size 8 and a 10 when I left for college but due to a few mean comments and my own self esteem I honestly saw myself as about a size 16 I often bought clothing too big for me because i believed it was the size I needed.

Now that I am fat I never really see myself as fat, I am just me, my husband loves me and is happy when I am happy so my weight loss is for my health and fertility not because I hate myself. ( although I do get those days!)

I am going to try to post some outfits and my wish lists but I will also include some of my photography as it is my passion and makes me happy.

Mhairi. xxxx

Please Enjoy.