Finding Happiness

When I started this blog it was a lifeline for me, I was trapped by my anxiety and depression never leaving my home unless I had my husband or parents with me. I started trying to blog about my life and my love of shopping it was hard and overwhelming at times but I persevered and it became my happy place.

In the last year or so it has become overwhelming again, mostly because the undiagnosed pain I had been suffering for the past 7 or so years had become much worse and had began impacting on my life. I couldn't walk far anymore without requiring a 2 hour sleep to recover, my hands and feet were so painful at times I dropped everything I tried to pick up and could hardly walk on waking. I thought I was losing my mind. Doctors had been scratching their heads for years, I had every test they could think of and still seemed as far away from the diagnosis as I was when it all began.

In February this year I was at the end of my rope, I was crying constantly and in so much pain at times, it was making me feel dizzy and sick, I was not sleeping more than two hours at night and then feeling like a zombie or passing out on the sofa, my life was at a standstill. My next appointment with the rheumatologist was due at the end of february and I was dreading it, I expected the usual crap, fobbed off with more excuses and passed to another department for more test, I almost didn't go, it felt pointless, but my husband persuaded me to go to the hospital, I had an appointment with the head consultant this time, I usually saw one of his team, this was our first meeting and that in itself was freaking me out but when I walked in he made me feel very relaxed, he asked me to describe my pain and how it was affecting my life, it was like opening a flood gate! I poured out the last 7 years frustrations in about 5 minutes I think even he was a bit overwhelmed, but it felt good to tell someone how crap my experiences had been.

After performing a physical exam, he sat me down and asked me if I had heard of Fibromyalgia, I knew the basics of it as I had wondered about it myself as I know a few people who suffer, he told me that sometimes it happens for no apparent reason or can to be linked to a physical or mental trauma.
and stress is a big factor in the pain cycle, he told me that my life seems pretty hectic and crazy right now and I need to find a way to balance some of it out, he started me on medication to help with the pain and recommended I see his psychologist who specialises in stress and pain management.

The relief I felt that day was immense, I finally had a reason for the pain, I was not losing my mind, I laughed and cried and felt a glimmer of hope for the future. since then I have been vey up and down, the pain this last week has been horrendous and very hard to cope with, but the medication is helping with some aspects my feet and hands are not as severe in the mornings and my skin isn't as sensitive, a poke in the arm before felt like I had been punched my pain signals were all over the place, just need to find a way to stop the pain in my hips being quite so bad.

I am going to find time to talk about fibromyalgia as it isn't well known and it helps me to talk about it and discuss coping strategies.

One of my strategies I am giving a go starting today is the 100HappyDays challenge, I think it is a beautiful idea and hope it will help me to see the wonderful happy things I do have in my life.

If you would like to find out more about it, I went HERE and signed up this morning.

My first happy day goes to my handsome dog Ron who ran to me this morning to get his kisses, I hand reared him and we are very close, he is my big baby. He went to the vets this morning to be castrated so I will be a nervous wreck all day, but this picture is keeping a smile on my face until I get to pick him up.

My 100happydays will likely include lots of silly pictures of all my beautiful dogs.

I want to try to post my 100 days, I might do this on a daily basis or I might post a weekly update, I am just going to go with the flow!

What makes you happy?

Mhairi
xxx